my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
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