It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
