I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Someone shattered a urinal.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
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