My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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