I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
