scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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