He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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