Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
