I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
