whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
