she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize