I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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