ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I want a musical about memes.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
