I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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