i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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