vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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