Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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