I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
