I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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