wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
