Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
