I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
