I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
