So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
