I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
