So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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