You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
