so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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