I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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