hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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