Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
