She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
