i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Randomize
