Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
