I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
