I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
