she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
