Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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