I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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