Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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