Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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