i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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