Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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