just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
This show inspires me to have sex in space
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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