my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
