i will never coherently bang her
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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