Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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