dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
