I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
There r osticjed everywhere
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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