There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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