It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
We have started to decorate penises.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
