Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
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