Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
