i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
