You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
