My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
