Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
