How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
