the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
being pregnant is like rehab
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
