you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
