Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
