...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
