I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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