So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
