I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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