She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
