I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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